In The Memory You'll Find Me
by Tori Yuki Ichimura
Summary: If blood red roses bloom on the grave, it means the deceased have transcended death. A beautiful thought, but the memories will do until then.


**Forgotten**

_From the top to bottom_

_Bottom to top I stop_

_At the core I've forgotten_

_In the middle of my thoughts_

_Taken far from my safety_

_The picture is there_

_The memory won't escape me_

_But why should I care?_

            With hands thrust carelessly into his pockets, Duo stalked down the darkened street towards his flat. He scowled at anyone who dared approach him and kicked at the cracks in the sidewalk. 

            Life was Hell. A shaky peace had been established, but he felt safe holding his breath until that collapsed. The other pilots had scattered, leaving him alone with only his thoughts. It was torture for such a gregarious person… It gave him time to reflect on all that he'd lost.

            His parents, Solo, Father Maxwell, Sister Helen, Duet… Duo squeezed his eyes closed for a moment, holding his tears prisoner. He had been so young when he lost the others, but Duet died only a few months ago. The wound was still fresh. 

            The braided boy pulled out his keys when he reached the rusty door. The creaking lock turned and he shouldered it open. Inside things didn't look much better. Bottles and dirty clothes were strewn about the room and the windows were opaque with years of grime. He had really let himself go.

            Shrugging off his coat and unbuttoning his shirt, he plopped down on the corner of his unmade cot. He laid back and looked over at the bedside table. The only clean thing in the apartment was the tiny picture sitting there. He took the delicate frame and held it above him. It was a photo of Duet, taken by Quatre when they were at the park.

            Duo had just gotten them ice cream cones and they had their arms laced, tasting each other's even though they had both chose chocolate. It was a happy memory and he wished they had had more like it.

_There's a place so dark you can't see the end_

_[skies cock back] and shock that which you can't defend_

_The rain sends dripping acidic question_

_Forcefully, the power of suggestion_

_Then with the eyes tightly shut_

_Looking through the rust and rot and dust_

_A spot of light floods the floor_

_And pours over the rusted world of pretend_

_And the eyes ease open and it's dark again_

            Their time together had been short. Too short. But she had been with the group long enough to leave a lasting impression. Heero was no longer so reserved, Trowa not so quiet, Quatre not so anxious, Wu Fei not so biased… And she had certainly sobered Duo himself up. She brought the boys closer together, made them a real team. 

            When she died, all her hard work was undone. The pilots split up, no longer having anything in common. Sure, they saw one another now and then, but it wasn't the same carefree way it had been before.

            Duo could no longer fight the tears. He hadn't lost only her. He had lost all his friends. The tears streamed down his cheeks, falling in little droplets onto his pillow and leaving tiny spots. 

            He tried to think of what he'd be doing if she was still alive. He wanted to spend his whole life with her. Maybe they would have gotten married. Had a family and lived in a little house with a white picket fence. Duo always dreamed of living a happy family life because it had always been something unobtainable. With Duet around, that dream had seemed so much closer.

            He knew the other pilots loved her, too, but not the same way. Definitely not the same way if he knew Trowa and Quatre. Duet helped them find each other, even though they were only inches apart at times. She was always so honest when it came to things like that. Duo had to laugh a little reminiscing about old conversations.

            All the little jokes they had, the nosebleeds, the flirting, the "tasteless remarks" as Wu Fei called them. She… was one of a kind. If he never found anyone to love ever again, he would be reconciled knowing that at one time he was able to show his tormented soul to someone and have him or her understand. He knew there was no sense in dwelling on the past, but he couldn't help it.

_From the top to the bottom_

_Bottom to top I stop_

_At the core I've forgotten_

_In the middle of my thoughts_

_Taken far from my safety_

_The picture is there_

_The memory won't escape me_

_But why should I care?_

            The braided pilot clutched the picture close to his heart and shut his eyes tightly. He was ashamed of himself for crying, but there was no one around to see him. He was alone in his dark, dank, dirty, rusty, rotten Hell-hole. It wasn't something he was particularly happy about, but at that moment he was thankful. The only person who had ever seen him like this was Duet. Perhaps she was still watching over him, guarding him. Surely the Shinigami didn't deserve such a blessing, but even in that field Duet had matched him. Shinigami and Shinimegami. He didn't like the though of her as a heartless killing machine, but that was only a tiny side of her multi-faceted personality. 

            Nemesis: the compensator. Lifting up the downtrodden and bowing the heads and bodies of the proud. Ace of Spades: the Death card, the trump card, the wild card. Also an apt name. Where she had gotten them, she hadn't said, but he knew. She had a bad history at OZ. Bad missions. He didn't love her any less for it. If anything, he loved her more. Without those flaws in her sapphire eyes, she wouldn't have been human. It had been something _he_ could help _her_ with.

            Why was she killed? Since when did angels deserve to die? Simple. She sacrificed herself for him. The guilt of that made Duo wish to die himself. It was his fault she would no longer smile. No longer laugh. No longer say 'I love you.'

_In the memory you'll find me_

_Eyes burning up_

_The darkness holding me tightly_

_Until the sun rises up_

            Suddenly, his eyes shot open. Staring down at him were two burning sapphires. Eyes he knew so well. Eyes that had haunted his dreams since the day their fire was extinguished.

            "Duet," Duo murmured in a dreamy voice. He reached up and ran a hand through the chestnut locks flowing loosely off her back. She was poised over him, half-lidded eyes full of mischief. He wrapped his arms around her neck and pulled her closer. He longed to feel her body against his once again. 

            She lay down next to him and he kissed her. Her lips were still as soft as he remembered. "I missed you," Duo whispered, grasping her shoulder. She smiled and kissed him again.

            Duo knew it was impossible for her to be here right now. He knew the entire situation was impossible, but he didn't want to know. He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. Her touch felt so good. Kissing her again, he held the back of her neck and pulled her even closer. She smiled more and kissed him again. Only once before had they done this, and that was the night before she died. November 10, AC 195.

            Duet allowed him to do as he pleased. She only kissed him, again and again, as if she would never see him again. Of course they would see each other again, though. There was no way Duo was letting her go this time. They would stay forever, safe under the sheets.

_Moving all around, screaming of the ups and downs_

_Pollution manifested in perpetual sound_

_The wheels go 'round and the sunset creeps_

_Past street lamps, chain-link and concrete_

_A little piece of paper with a picture drawn_

_Floats on down the street 'til the wind is gone_

_The memory is now like the picture was then_

_When the paper's crumpled up it can't be perfect again_

            Duo waited for her to cry out, in pain or pleasure, but the sound never came. She had no voice, but that didn't matter. He communicated softly to her bare skin. She told him everything in her kiss. Yin and yang. Light and dark. Heaven and Hell. The sky and the earth had met. So alike, yet complete opposites, the two were together at long last.

            Carefully, Duo caressed her ivory skin. He had no idea what had possessed him to do that to her, but she hadn't minded. He never remembered her being so submissive. It was as if she only wanted him to be happy. She was totally disregarding her own feelings. 

            It shouldn't have been so unusual. She _did_ die for him. Yes, she died. But she had transcended death. _In Rose_. 

            "Why are you here?" he asked, touching his forehead to hers. She didn't reply, but rather moved in to kiss him again.

            His tongue darted into her mouth and she shuddered with pleasure. 'It doesn't matter. She's just here,' he told himself. She wasn't the girl he remembered though. Perhaps his memory had become clouded over time, but it was like she was the opposite side of the same coin. Still, he loved her just the same.

_From the top to the bottom_

_Bottom to top I stop_

_At the core I've forgotten_

_In the middle of my thoughts_

_Taken far from my safety_

_The picture is there_

_The memory won't escape me_

_But why should I care?_

            Duo had always had a tender heart, but something in him wanted power over her. He pinned her arms to her side and forced his tongue between her lips again. Duet didn't pull away, but instead closed her eyes and dug her nails into her palms. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes and Duo released her immediately. 

            "What's wrong?" he asked, concerned. Had he hurt her? Again? Was he forever to be the source of all her pain? 

            To her, his touch was like fire. It was wonderfully warm, but it almost burned. Part of her wanted to force him away and run, but she stayed and submitted to his touch. She wanted so badly to make him happy. Every time she saw him cry, she shed bitter tears of her own. But now, she couldn't take the searing heat any longer.

            Duet wanted to cry out, but her voice was locked in its box. Sweaty and suffocating, she turned away from him, trying to catch a breath. But she didn't need to breathe. She wasn't really hot. It was all in her mind. The kisses, the embraces, the love. She had imagined it all. It was another cruel trick she had played on herself. 

            Craving solidity, she turned again to Duo.

_In the memory you'll find me_

_Eyes burning up_

_The darkness holding me tightly_

_Until the sun rises up_

            "Why won't you say anything?" Duo murmured, brushing a stray piece of hair from her eyes. Duet closed her eyes against another onslaught of tears. It had been so long, but he had always been in her thoughts, if you could call them thoughts.

            Where she had been, there was no difference between sleep and waking, consciousness and unconsciousness. If any time had actually past, it felt like years. She didn't know what had happened at first, but she slowly came to the conclusion that she had died. She died in Duo's arms the night of her last battle. She had asked Heero to end her life, but Milliardo did in his stead. After that… limbo, Heaven, Hell… She didn't know where she was… Duet didn't know anything. But she had watched Duo from above. Watched all the pilots.

            She's watched them end the war. Watched as Heero risked his life to destroy Libra. Watched as her friends visited her grave, less and less frequently. Watched as they broke apart. Duet didn't know how much time had passed. A day, a week, a month… But they never looked the same from above as they did face-to-face. Somehow, they seemed sadder. It never occurred to her that she was the reason for this.

            Curling up against Duo's chest, she wept as he stroked her hair. It was her turn to be vulnerable.

_Now you got me caught in the act_

_You bring the thought back_

_I'm telling you that_

_I see it right through you_

            Duo looked at her hard. He had never seen her in such a state and never wanted to again. It tore his heart to pieces. "Don't cry, Duet… I'm here…" he crooned. 

            "It's okay now… Everything's gonna be all right… You'll get to see everyone again. Heero… And Wu Fei… You two can argue again just like you used to!" Duo smiled, but Duet's only response was a choked sob. 

            'Just like I used to…' she thought. 'It's never going to be like it used to be!'

            "Quatre and Trowa are together now, I think…"

            'Oh, if only Quatre was here! He could hear me. Quatre was always so empathetic.'

            "Noin and Zechs are off somewhere, too."

            'Milliardo… He knew everything about her, too. Noin was lucky to have him. He used to be mine…'

            "And now that you're back, we can be together forever."

            'You may have three words,' said a voice in Duet's head that wasn't her own. Somehow, though, she felt if she opened her lips, a sound would come out.

            "I love you," Duet said and Duo's eyes widened. She opened her mouth to tell him again, but her voice wouldn't work. Instead, she threw her arms around his neck and gave him one final kiss. She knew her time was up.

_In the memory you'll find me_

_Eyes burning up_

_The darkness holding me tightly_

_Until the sun rises up_

            When their lips parted, Duo opened his eye and saw no trace of Duet. He anxiously scanned the room, but there was no sign she had ever been there. Looking down, he found the picture of the two of them still clutched in his hand. Outside, the sun was just beginning to rise.

            For a moment, Duo thought it was all a dream, but when he climbed out of bed he saw, in the exact spot Duet had been, a single red rose. Under is was a playing card, the Ace of Spades.

            "In rose," Duo thought aloud and picked up the articles. "And _sub rosa_, Latin for 'under the roses' meaning a well-kept secret."

_In the memory you'll find me_

_Eyes burning up_

_The darkness holding me tightly_

_Until the sun rises up_

            "Well, this is my secret." Duo placed the rose and the card in front of the picture on his nightstand and glanced quickly at the calendar. The date read _November 11, AC 196_.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Tori: A bit of a re-telling of the "In Rose" story, but with Duo and Duet.

Ke: We don't own Duo, Duet, or the Linkin Park song "Forgotten"\

Tori: Speak for yourself!

Ke: I was. I don't care if you get sued…

Tori: Eep! I don't own anything!

Ke: Damn straight!

Tori: …'cept my cardboard Atari box in the middle of the highway…

Ke: Which is copyright Atari…

Tori: *grumble* *Picks up box/house and walks away*


End file.
